I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
