She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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