Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
