So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
