This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
