help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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