fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize