i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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