He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
