weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
