I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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