marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
