So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
