I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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