whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
