the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
