Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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