maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
did i walk over a car last night?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
