Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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