Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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