Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
