Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
