the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize