Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
