I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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