You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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