im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
