There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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