Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
