Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
