I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
