Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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