Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
