Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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