Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
