Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.

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  (310): I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless. http://tfl.nu/yhaf
  Replies (7) Good night (800) Bad night (2401)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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  (240): shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich http://tfl.nu/bipz
  Replies (78) Good night (2510) Bad night (1048)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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  (540): I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down. http://tfl.nu/t10x
  Replies (12) Good night (2858) Bad night (694)
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  (707): View more from California

  left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen

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  (707): left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen http://tfl.nu/p86b
  Replies (13) Good night (643) Bad night (4756)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.

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  (215): i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history. http://tfl.nu/28mn
  Replies (12) Good night (2791) Bad night (1112)
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  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

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  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9505) Bad night (2087)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

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  (709): I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number http://tfl.nu/l21z
  Replies (12) Good night (5476) Bad night (1473)
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  (315): View more from New York

  They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.

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  (315): They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it. http://tfl.nu/5i1a
  Replies (12) Good night (8385) Bad night (1192)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult

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  (780): Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult http://tfl.nu/fk5u
  Replies (14) Good night (1063) Bad night (2398)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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  (503): A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money. http://tfl.nu/jqm6
  Replies (4) Good night (2160) Bad night (635)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital

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  (631): Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital http://tfl.nu/fnso
  Replies (12) Good night (1240) Bad night (806)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.

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  (807): The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome. http://tfl.nu/ll5l
  Replies (1) Good night (1367) Bad night (448)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.

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  (414): i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now. http://tfl.nu/jexc
  Replies (6) Good night (1243) Bad night (327)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand

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  (443): Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand http://tfl.nu/0tkh
  Replies (4) Good night (349) Bad night (737)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".

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  (361): Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form". http://tfl.nu/gv3w
  Replies (3) Good night (307) Bad night (478)

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