His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.