my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
