you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes