I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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