the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
