weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize