I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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