Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
