I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
