Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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