She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
