she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
