she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
