I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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