We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You work out of a Hotel?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
