as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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