Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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