haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
