Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
