I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
