How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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