I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
