haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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