Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
