when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
