Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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