i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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