____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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