It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
