Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
